So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
