She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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