So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
