We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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