i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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