Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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