sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
