Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
