You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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