So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
