and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
