the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
