Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
