I showed him my bush... on skype.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's blow job season.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
