Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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