You just made me feel so damn special
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
