yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
