You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize