Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
