Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
