I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
