i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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