And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
