I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
