The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
COCAINE IS GR8
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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