We won't sleep together?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
