youre lurking in front of me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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