Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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