3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize