i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
