just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
