You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
