I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
