So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
