wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize