1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
