ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
