Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
