his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
