A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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