If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
