i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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