get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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