made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
