Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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