he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
