Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize