My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
