I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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