The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
