Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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