Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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