one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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