While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
