We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
