unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
