Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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