I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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