it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize