I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
