so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
