Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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