I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it hurts more in the daytime
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
