I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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