hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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