some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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