he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
