I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
