Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
