I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
