hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
