Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
