Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
