I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
