Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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