i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
