So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
