he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
