so that wasnt chicken after all
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
