I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
