the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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