we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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