My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
