My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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