I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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